Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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