Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
