hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
