My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
