ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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