the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
