You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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