Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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