i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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