Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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