I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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