My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
