I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
