Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
she woke up with a sticky ear
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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