apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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