K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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