Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
