Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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