why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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