he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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