I'm really into asian looking animals
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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