I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
