when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
