Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
