I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
