ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
