im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
