Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
