So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
