the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
