finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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