Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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