So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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