God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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