Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
