I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
