my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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