these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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