so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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