...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
