I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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