i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
