I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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