i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
