It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
