Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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