they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
