You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
