What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
