Just fell off a train. Bad.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
