mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I deserve this hangover.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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