nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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