i already hear my dad disowning me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize