so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
