Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
