Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
