even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
