Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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