Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
