so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
