Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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