I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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