Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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