Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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