I hate your face
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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