You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
