i need an iv and a liver transplant
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
